14 things for girls to consider before dating

As a mom of daughters, we’ve had many great discussions about things to consider before they choose to date someone.

Everyone will have their own personal likes/dislikes. For example, my girls have mentioned they would never date someone who has a man bun, wears skinny jeans, or has body piercings.

While hair, clothing styles, and body piercings are all a matter of preference, some things are non-negotiable, and while we need to remember no one is perfect, being aware of the following attributes (or lack thereof) will help you make a more informed choice before you choose to date someone.

Below are 14 things to consider before dating that cute guy.

1. How is his faith walk? Is he growing in Christ? Is he living out his faith? Is he unashamed of his faith? Does he pray with and for you? Is his faith an important part of his life? Does he “walk the walk and talk the talk”?

2. How does he spend his time? We have become a world obsessed with technology. While that’s not bad in and of itself, if you are contemplating dating someone who has an addiction to video games or is constantly on his phone or social media, you might want to think twice about whether there would be any room in his life for you. As a matter of fact, a name has been given to cell phone addiction: “nomophobia”. According to techjury.net, “66% of the world’s population shows signs of nomophobia.” And gaming and cell phone addiction aren’t the only addictions to be wary of.

And while video games, social media, and time spent on a cell phone are fine in moderation, look for someone who spends his spare time doing productive things.

3. What is his standard for music, books, and movies? What does he allow to fill his mind? What does he allow his eyes to see and his ears to hear? What goes in will come out in his attitude, personality, and the way he treats others.

4. Speaking of how he treats others, how does he treat…

Your family? A guy who wants nothing to do with your family is a guy to avoid. In addition, a guy who won’t allow you to spend time with your family could have possessive and abusive tendencies.

His family? Some people come from dysfunctional homes, and as such, the guy you are considering dating may not be close to his family. That is tough and there are many logistics involved in that. But is your potential boyfriend respectful to his family? Does he care about their wellbeing? You can be estranged and still care about those you are not close to.

Children? It has been said many times that how a guy treats little children and babies is a huge indicator of the type of person he is. Is he hateful, rude, and sees little ones as a burden? Does he believe babies should be aborted because they aren’t worthy of living? Notice how he treats not only your siblings and his siblings, but also children at functions, such as church.

The elderly? Does he view them as precious creations of God or as wasting society’s resources?

Animals?  Your potential guy doesn’t have to be a dog or cat lover to be kind to animals. But you don’t want to date someone who mistreats or abuses animals.

5. How does he treat you when you can’t do anything for him? Does he take care of you when you are sick? Is he there for you?

6. How does he handle disagreements? Does he withdraw, get into a raging fight, or blame everything on you? Guaranteed that if you date (and later marry!) anyone for any length of time, you will have disagreements. It’s natural for two people to not see eye-to-eye on every subject. How he handles conflict speaks volumes.

7. How is his work ethic? Is he lazy and unmotivated? Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, a workaholic?

8. Is he loyal? Will he defend your honor?

9. Is he honest? Does he keep his word? Does he do what he says he’ll do? Is he honest when speaking with authorities?

10. Does he have a servant’s heart? There are multiple ways to serve others and it’s not a one-size-fits-all. But is he using his gifting to make the lives of others better?

11. How does he handle your concerns or fears? Lightly? With care?

12. Does he respect you? Or does he coerce, guilt-trip, pressure, or force you to do things that are against your convictions, make you uncomfortable, and/or aren’t safe?

13. Does he show any signs of an abusive temperament? In other words, how does he treat those he is no longer friends with or girls he formerly dated?

One thing my daughters and I have discussed often is the high rate of abuse suffered by young women in “romantic” relationships. A horrifying statistic from the website loveisrespect.org states “Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year”. Further, “Nearly half (43%) of dating college women report experiencing violent and abusive dating behaviors”. The rise of cyber abuse has contributed to the problem.

As a mom, this frightens me more than I can express. We can’t see all of the warning signs in a potential abuser, but we can be aware that abuse does exist and be on the lookout.

14. How is his overall character and integrity? One of my favorite quotes is that assessing one’s integrity is done by seeing what they do when no one is looking.

Webster’s defines integrity as “adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty”. Character and integrity are crucial and a huge part of someone’s personality. Does your potential boyfriend stand for what is right?

In our house, we put an emphasis on intentional dating. Not dating just to date, but rather seriously contemplating who to date and whether that person could be a potential long-term prospect. This helps to “weed out” those who could never be potential mates for a variety of reasons, and helps eliminate the emotions, heartbreak, and problems that arise from failed “romantic” relationships.

Other posts on this blog that you may enjoy reading:

4 ways to reconnect with your spouse

10 ways to help your kids choose good role models

Looking to homeschool? Here are 7 things to consider.

7 tips to help safeguard against an entitlement attitude in your kids

Movie Monday: Chronicle Mysteries – Recovered

5 ways to make your child feel loved

We tell our children we love them often—and our words are important. But how can we put action to those words and show them we love them? Here are five easy steps.

1. Pray with them. We pray corporately several times daily as a family—in our family Bible studies, before meals, etc. However, one of the things I have found especially important is to pray separately with each of my children as well. In those quiet times we prepare to spend with the Lord, I ask each child what specific prayer requests they have for others, for themselves—are they struggling with a subject in school? Having difficulties with a friendship? Dealing with an illness?

2. Spend time with them one-on-one. These moments are some of the most precious. My oldest daughter and I both love to write. We brainstorm ideas together, have “inside jokes” about a writer’s life, and discuss “problem characters.” My youngest daughter and I ran a 5k to raise money for breast cancer last year. It can be, but doesn’t have to be big events. Sometimes the littlest most ordinary times together make the best memories.

3. Listen. Really listen. So many things compete for our attention. Work duties, household chores, other children, etc. When we look our child in the eye and really hear what they are saying, we are showing we love them. I have personally found that the car is one of the best places to strike up conversations. No ear buds, no smart phones, no TVs. Just great conversations (unless, of course, we are all joining in singing with our favorite Christian artist on the radio!)

4. Find out what’s important to them. Recently my youngest daughter told me that she really appreciates when I plan out the day ahead with her. She enjoys knowing exactly what we’ll be doing that day and helps her to prepare.

5. Discuss the easy and the hard topics. We, as parents, should be the first line of information for our kids. We’ve always had an open-conversation-policy in our house where our daughters can discuss whatever topic they’d like, as long as they do so respectfully. We’ve had some fantastic talks about fun topics, but also some great discussions about the hard things: drugs, eating disorders, politics, abortion, etc. Be sure that your discussion topics are always age-appropriate.

In James 1:17, we are told that every good gift is from above. Children are such a gift and a blessing that the Lord has given us. May we, as parents, be worthy.

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Before you go, check out these other posts:

10 ways to encourage others

9 ways to jumpstart your homeschool year

how to become an undercover prayer warrior

the video camera is always on, part 1

5 things moms need

the top 10 blog posts of 2021

I can’t believe it’s already almost February! Is it just me or has time flown by faster than ever this past year?

Last year, I posted 47 posts on a variety of topics including faith, humor, parenting and motherhood, writing, movie reviews, blog tours, recipes, songs, devotionals, and how-to posts. Below, I’ve listed the ten most popular of those 47 in order of popularity.

1. The most popular post last year was how to build close bonds with your kids. The inspiration for this post came from a mom who recently posted a question in a Facebook group. She needed encouragement in her parenting journey.

2. The number two spot was another parenting post titled tools to help your child succeed in life. Our culture bases success on many things. But what truly makes a person successful? And what if we, as parents, pulled the following tools from our parenting toolboxes to help our child succeed in life?

3. This post was my very last post of the year posted on the very last day of 2021: tips for keeping your New Year’s resolutions. Each year, New Year’s resolutions are made, and each year, New Year’s resolutions are broken, some within a month or two of making them. Below are some suggestions for keeping your New Year’s resolutions.

4. One of the highlights in my personal life last year was the release of my contemporary romance novel Love Under Construction. A tender and uplifting story with plenty of humor, its main theme is relying on God in all circumstances. I was so grateful to all of the bloggers who joined me in the Love Under Construction blog tour, the fourth most popular post of the year.

5. One of my personal favorite posts made the number five spot. 28 verses for uncertain times, one of the several posts in the Scripture Series. Amidst the anxiety and fear that grips us during these uncertain times, we must keep our focus on the only One who can give us peace and comfort when all things seem lost. These verses are the Lord’s promises that we are never alone, that He goes before us, and that He is our shield and comfort.

6. One of my humor posts made the number six slot, Momlife, part 1 “The Big Truck A fun post in the momlife series based on real life. In it, I reach back into the past and dig into the archives for a story about what happened when an innocent mom of two with a serious depth perception problem has to drive the big truck while her SUV is being repaired.

7. In the number seven slot is my post you might be a writer if… (10 ways to know). Some of my favorite people are fellow writers. We live in a world all our own, full of crazy characters, plot twists, and made-up settings. Here are ten clues you might be a writer.

8. I posted Thankful for the small things… as a reminder that we sometimes overlook the seemingly “small” things.

9. the importance of avoiding false teaching came in number nine. Sometimes it’s not easy to discern false teaching when it is plopped in the center of an otherwise Biblical-sounding sermon or podcast. Sometimes otherwise good teaching is interspersed with falsehoods or even heresy. That’s when we need to be on guard the most. So how do we spot false teaching?

10. And finally, rounding out the top ten most popular blog posts is 31 awesome movies for your must-watch list. I am always on the lookout for movies for the entire family. Here, I list 31 of my favorites to add to your next family night.

To my readers, thank you so much for taking the time to read my posts this past year. Have a blessed 2022!

9 ways to jumpstart your homeschool year

Homeschooling in the U.S. has exploded in recent months. According to the United States Census Bureau, by fall of 2020, “11.1% of households with school-age children reported homeschooling (Sept. 30-Oct. 12)…That change represents an increase of 5.6 percentage points and a doubling of U.S. households that were homeschooling at the start of the 2020-2021 school year compared to the prior year.”

Such a statistic doesn’t surprise me, as even in my small town, the rate of children being homeschooled has increased dramatically. People have chosen to homeschool for a variety of reasons, including religious reasons, more freedom, and situations regarding the pandemic.

Whatever the reason, homeschooling can be a daunting task. Whether you’re new to it or a veteran, there will be days that are challenging and times when you want to give up.

How can you successfully jumpstart your homeschool year? Here are 9 ways.

Make sure you have a support system. Find a mentor, join a co-op, and join an online group. If you are married, enlist your spouse’s support. Having an extended family who supports your decision is also helpful.

Take it slow. Give yourself and your children permission to wade through the change in schooling with grace. Too often I hear from parents who attempted to homeschool say that it just didn’t work out for them. When I ask how long they were homeschooling, they typically answer with a length of less than a few months. Give it time.

Focus on what matters. If we get so caught up in finishing each textbook, having our children excel in every subject, or making sure they participate in every possible extra-curricular activity, then we have missed the point.

Be organized (or attempt to be). Notice I didn’t say “be perfectly organized”. In order for your homeschool to function, you will need to have some organization. It helps to have a dedicated cupboard for textbooks, science experiments, art supplies, etc. Because homechooling is so versatile, it can happen in an actual homeschooling room, at the kitchen table, or even outside on a nice summer day.

Expound on your kids’ interests. No child is exactly the same when it comes to interests. One of the best things about homeschooling is that you can expound on what your child enjoys. For instance, my oldest daughter loves to write, so I assigned her a “novel in a year” project, which was one of her favorite assignments. She also loved woodworking and built a dresser with her dad (the woodworking teacher!). History was a favorite of hers, so we focused heavily on that subject as well, and graphic arts and an extra emphasis on editing led her to starting her own editing, website-building, and graphic arts business.

My youngest daughter loves science, so collecting bugs, inspecting things beneath the microscope, science experiments, and anything related to science labwork intrigued her. She also loves to fix things and is very mechanical. I used that opportunity to call upon her whenever something broke and turned it into a learning experience. A friend of ours taught her how to quilt, which instilled in her a love for sewing.

Both girls enjoy baking, so making treats for neighbors, youth group, and homeschooling events was something I included on the homeschool syllabus. Both of my girls are athletes, so we spent many an hour riding bikes, joining 5k runs, playing volleyball, badminton, and soccer, going on walks, and hiking in the nearby mountains for P.E. class.

One of the best things about homeschooling is that we can think outside the box and tailor our children’s learning experiences with their interests.

Be creative with teaching techniques. Be open to changing curriculum if one doesn’t work. We changed curriculum many times. (This is why it’s a good idea to find used curriculum for sale as it can get pricey). Not every child has the same learning style, so passing one curriculum type on to the next child does not always work. An important thing to remember in homeschool is that one size does not fit all.

In addition, one homeschool type will not fit all children’s needs. We personally chose an al a carte approach that includes a variety of textbooks from many different publishers, some online learning from homeschool providers, some co-op classes, and some unschooling techniques as well. Other parents choose to have their children enrolled in homeschool online learning only or one company’s curriculum, such as Abeka, Sonlight, or the Charlotte Mason Method. Still other parents choose strictly the unschooling route.

The key? Choosing what works for your family.

Glean ideas from current and veteran homeschooling families about what worked for them. The nice thing about homeschooling? If one method doesn’t work, there are other methods you can try.

Don’t compare your homeschool, yourself, or your children to others. Just as each parent and child are unique, so is each homeschool. Embrace that.

Breathe.

And most importantly? Give your homeschooling year to the Lord. When we commit our ways to Him, He guides our steps.

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Before you go, check out these other posts:

Looking to homeschool? Here are 7 things to consider

6 ways to stick with homeschooling (when you want to give up)

you might be a homeschool mom if (15 clues)

outside-the-box homeschool ideas

the video camera is always on, part 3

58 fun activities for kids of all ages

tools to help your child succeed in life

Our culture bases success on many things. It may be an advanced education, a sprawling home, a good job, a multitude of friends, nice vehicles, frequent vacations, and the list goes on.

While none of these things are wrong, they’re not what truly makes a person successful.

What if we used a different ruler with which to measure? What if we looked within the heart and focused instead on character, integrity, and honor rather than the appearances of seemingly surface items? What if we viewed success through a different lens than what the world teaches us?

What if we, as parents, pulled the following tools from our parenting toolboxes to help our child succeed in life?

* Help them to develop a strong faith.

*Model for them the importance of a vibrant prayer life

*Instill in them to have gratitude, rather than a heart of discontent.

*Teach them the importance of honesty.

*Teach them to have integrity and to do the right thing, even if no one is watching.

* Teach them to stand up for what is right, even if they stand alone.

*Instill in them the importance of doing everything as if doing it for the Lord.

*Teach them to forgive easily and to not hold grudges.

*Instruct them on how to have humility and the maturity to admit when they are wrong.

*Gently remind them often that the world does not revolve around them, but rather, to count others as more important than themselves.

*Be an example of what it is like to show grace to others, especially when it’s undeserved.

*Train them to have a strong work ethic.

*Model for them the importance of keeping your word.

*Teach them the value of inner beauty.

*Model the importance of overlooking an offense.

*Teach them to love their country and to pray for her on a regular basis

We, as parents, have an important role in modeling for and training our children in the things that truly matter. Someday when we are no longer on this earth, we won’t have taken our college degrees, fancy houses, and expensive vehicles with us. But we will have made an impact on the lives of others when our main focus was living for Jesus.

May we, as parents, make it our goal to instruct our children wisely in the things that matter to Him.

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Before you go, check out these other posts!

8 things I want my daughters to know

the video camera is always on part 1

how to survive in an out-of-control world

for such a time as this: finding stability in an unstable world

15 verses for strength in challenging times

Movie Monday: Little Women

5 things moms need

15 scriptural reminders of God’s comfort

the importance of a good work ethic

The other day while at a local place of business, I noticed that several of the employees were bustling around doing their jobs. Save one. A teen had plopped on a folding chair, legs extended, proceeding to be on his phone for a majority of the time I was patronizing this business.

A relative of mine has a coworker who routinely shows up late for work, and at times, doesn’t show up for work at all. Such a choice has placed the business in a bind on several occasions. It has also made more work for the employees who take their jobs seriously.

A local business manager shared with me that they are struggling to find help to fill all of their available positions, and when they do find help, a lot of those workers are unreliable.

Poor work ethic seems to have become more prominent. There are several reasons for this:

– Inadequate instruction of the importance of work ethic on the part of their parents, whereby children are “given” everything and not required to earn anything.

– A culture that thrives on a “microwave” mentality of wanting everything right now and lacks the patience to work hard for anything. (Case in point: the new 20-year-old employee who wants to be paid the same amount as the 50-year-old who has been at a company for 15 years).

– Paying people more to sit at home than to work, as has been the case this past year.

– Refusal of employees to acknowledge they are stealing from their employer by way of using company time to scan social media, play video games, or making personal phone calls.

How can we instill the importance of a good work ethic in our children?

Model it. We can hardly expect our children to exhibit a strong work ethic if we ourselves are lazy and uncommitted to hard work.

Practice it. Our children and teens need to see us regularly practicing our own strong work ethic.

Encourage it from an early age. This can be done in the form of helping parents with projects and regular age-appropriate chores.

Clearly communicate what is expected. Explain patiently and thoroughly the task at hand and what is required.

Encourage volunteerism. Doing something for someone without expectation of payment is one of the most critical ways we can instill a powerful work ethic.

Embolden our kids to work for something they want. It is amazing how, when a teen has to pay for something from his or her own funds, that it no longer is a “necessity”. We need to teach our children that things are expensive (and never more than in recent days!) and that someone had to work to afford that “luxury”. When our teens have to pay for something themselves from time to time, they begin to value the importance of the hard work that allowed them to purchase that item.

Encourage them to go the extra mile and to take initiative. My oldest daughter often asks “what can I do to help?” I love it that she coined this phrase (and then acted upon it!) from an early age.

Teach respect for authority. The Bible has much to say about respecting authority. From the time our children are toddlers, we as parents should be teaching them that respecting authority is paramount, with God being our primary authority, followed by parents. If our children are unable to obey their first authority (us, after God), then they will be unable to obey other authorities, i.e., teachers, employers, and the police.

Instill the importance of being a team player.

Teach children that school is one of their first jobs. Whether they are homeschooled or attend a private, charter, or public school, their educational experience is one of their first jobs. A child who takes their education seriously will be better able to grow into a valued employee.

Don’t be afraid to allow “life lessons”. If your teen makes the choice to arrive at work late of his or her own accord, don’t rescue them from the consequences.

Most importantly, encourage your children to remember that whatever they do, do it as if doing it for the Lord (Colossians 3:23).

When my daughters and niece and nephews were toddlers, they could transform our home into a war zone in a matter of minutes. Nearly all of the toys, books, and dress-up clothes from the playroom migrated to other parts of the house in a split second, as five creative minds embarked on whimsical adventures. When it was time for my niece and nephews to return home, we played a game called “Tornado”.  I set the oven timer and encouraged the toddlers to become tornadoes. How fast could they whirl around the room and return the items to their homes?

With the fervor and zeal of cyclones, five little kiddos flurried in all different directions, retrieving toys, books, and dress-up clothes and returning them to their rightful homes. They giggled as they sometimes bonked into a fellow “tornado”, and in the generous time allotted, my home soon took on a somewhat clean appearance once again.

Sometimes we, as parents, have to be creative in teaching our children the responsibility that leads to a strong work ethic. But by doing so, we can, with a lot of prayer and help from the Lord, instill in our children a character trait that will impact their lives forever.

 

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Before you go, check out these other posts:

the video camera is always on, part 1

13 verses to comfort the fearful heart

conquering the joy zappers of life

you might be a writer if…10 ways to know

you might be a homeschool mom if…(15 clues)

how to build close bonds with your kids

the importance of new beginnings

28 verses for uncertain times

training for the mom Olympics

I dashed through high winds and zigzagged between the parked station wagons, Pintos, and VW Bugs, in the pursuit of a runaway cart in the grocery store parking lot.

The cart sped through the crowded parking lot and toward an intersection, attempting to mar the glossy finishes of luxury SUVs and sports cars.

And then I knew what I must do. The situation at hand had left me little choice.

I knelt down and tightened the laces on my Brooks running shoes, thankful I wasn’t wearing flip flops today.

Then, with the speed of a cheetah and the grace of a gazelle, I took off across the parking lot after the shopping cart.

My heart pounded. Would I be fast enough?

Finally, I reached for the shopping cart handle just seconds before what would have been a disastrous situation. I wiped the sweat from my brow. Another rogue cart apprehended in the name of justice!

I returned to our SUV, climbed in, and glanced into the back seat. My kids appeared in shock with mouths wide open. “Mom!” Doodle gasped. “You were amazing. You should be in the Olympics – the Mom Olympics!”

So, as of that day a few years back, I began training for the Mom Olympics. An arduous task for sure. And yes, I need a bit of help on my hurdles. Case in point: when my girls were babies, I had a wooden gate up to keep them out of my home office. One day, in my haste to get out of the room quickly, my foot caught on the top of the gate, and I landed with a thud, the air knocked completely out of me. Never have I been so thankful for these strong bones God blessed me with.

But I was not deterred. In time and with much practice, my hurdling became second nature and I was soon able to leap across toys left strewn on the floor in a single bound (Super Mom anyone?)

I closed my eyes and imagined my future self…

So when the application for the Mom Olympics arrived in the mail, I quickly listed my qualifications, beginning with past accomplishments:

• Carrying my children everywhere when they were younger (which built strong biceps and triceps)
• Bending and stooping to pick up the toys and food my children continually threw on the floor from their high chairs when they were babies (which built strong quad muscles)
• Amazing overall body fitness from pushing my two children in the baby jogger up grueling hills
• Dexterity and balance in hopping on one foot (in agony) whenever I stepped on a Lego or fossilized Cheerio left on the floor
• The runaway cart episode, showing my aptitude for speed and finesse and the ability to react in stressful situations.

In the “current accomplishments” category, I proudly listed the highlights of the second phase of my training:

• Totally built biceps and shoulder muscles from constantly lifting and hauling the gym bag that my kids and I share for the local gym
• Running the kids everywhere for their activities during their tween and early teen years (built endurance as a long-distance runner)
• Experience in juggling (juggling multiple tasks as a wife and mom)
• A friendly competition with my oldest daughter (who is a force to be reckoned with) on the rowing machine
• A friendly competition with my youngest daughter while running (I came in second place)

With all that practice, it didn’t take much creativity to imagine myself in an Olympic marathon. I would be competing against the fiercest of competitors, knowing that it was just a matter of time before the gold medal graced my neck.

Someday, although I’m not rushing this…I will be a grandma training for the Grandma Olympics. Until then, I am thrilled to have been approved by the Mom Olympics CEO to participate in this year’s worldwide event.

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To my fellow moms who have/had a collection of shirts adorned with dried spit-up stains; who’ve won awards for the least amount of sleep while promising their infants a trip to Disneyland if they would just sleep for more than a half hour at a time; who daily risk tender toes stepping on Legos and Cheerios.

To my fellow moms who’ve spent hours upon hours on their knees praying for their kids (and still do!); to those who’ve survived the tumultuous teenage years; and to those who’ve risked their lives teaching their children how to drive.

To stay-at-home-moms, homeschool moms, work-at-home-moms, work-outside-the-home moms, foster care moms…to all moms…Happy Mother’s Day!

Being a mom is truly the best job in the world, and I’m beyond grateful God blessed me with this honor. And I’m grateful for a faithful mom who exemplified the importance of loving her family well, being kind, having a strong work ethic, and loving the Lord with all her heart. Thank you, Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Before you go, check out these other posts:

the great toilet paper caper

5 things moms need

leaving a godly legacy

7 ways to encourage your children

13 verses to comfort the weary soul

21 awesome family movies you may never have heard of

6 ways to stick with homeschooling (when you want to give up)

the importance of recognizing your influence

the video camera is always on part 4

Last week in my continuing series, I talked about two key issues where our children are always recording: our priorities and what we allow into our minds. Today, I’ll be discussing how our kids are always watching the example we set in our marriages and how we treat our spouse. I’ll also be discussing how we react when others wrong us.

Marriage can be tough. It is purely by the grace of God that two completely different people with different pasts can come together, warts and all, and share a love that spans a lifetime.

While no marriage is perfect, we can do our best to be a half of a marriage that honors God and sets a good example for our children. It has been said that our daughters will emulate us as wives when they themselves marry and that they will choose husbands with similar character traits as their dads. The same is true for our sons, who look to their dads for an example of what a man should be in his role as a husband; and at moms for what type of wife they will seek.

So how can we show our children an example of a marriage worth mirroring?

Spend time together. Set aside the first 15 minutes when your spouse arrives home from work (or you, if you arrive after your spouse) to greet each other, talk about your day, and connect. Yes, there are a million other things that will be vying for your attention, but making your spouse a priority is critical.

Spend time in the Word as a couple. To do so in our busy world, we have to be intentional. Set aside time to pray together and seek to know the Lord better through reading the Bible.

Put your spouse before yourself. A fun article depicting a couple who celebrated their 85th wedding anniversary in 2020 and is likely the longest married couple in America, discusses the importance of spending time together participating in the favorite interests of the other spouse. Husband Ralph states in the article that “Dorothy loves ballroom dancing and I loved to shoot clay targets…I joined her with ballroom dancing and she joined me with trap shooting.”

Deal with conflict appropriately. Conflict, grudges, irritation, differing ideas, disagreements…and the list goes on. While we may have a lot in common with our spouse, we aren’t them and they aren’t us. When conflict arises – and it will – we need to deal with it appropriately. The Bible tells us in Ephesians 4:26-27, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry^, and do not give the devil a foothold”.

Be kind. Matthew 7:12 applies heartily to marriages. Treat your spouse as you would like to be treated.

Serve your spouse. There are a million little ways we can serve our spouse that make a huge impact.

Make building a strong marriage a priority.

Another area where our kids will imitate us is in how we react when someone wrongs us.

This is a tough one. No one can sail through life without painful relationships, broken friendships, and just plain crossing the paths of mean people. Hurts happen, and how we respond when someone has wronged us is another area where our children are watching us to see how we respond.

Do we respond in kind? Do we hide our pain? Do we get defensive and seek revenge? Do we ignore the offending party?

The Bible tells us in Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone”. There will be those times when we aren’t able to live at peace with someone and the best we can do is to distance ourselves from that person and continue to pray for them.

However, for those other times (which should be in the majority), our children are watching to see if we react with forgiveness, seeking reconciliation if possible, and remembering that we are called to imitate Christ in our actions (1 Corinthians 11:1).

Do we respond in humility? Ask for forgiveness when we are in the wrong?

None of these proper responses is possible without the help of the Holy Spirit. In our fallen natures, it’s much easier to take a different route of bitterness, unrighteous anger, and gossip.

Our children will imitate how we respond with someone who hurt us the next time someone hurts them.

Please join me next time for our final segment in this series where I’ll be discussing how our children mimic our healthy habits (or lack thereof) and how we respond during trials.

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Before you go, check out these other posts:

the video camera is always on part 1

the video camera is always on part 2

the video camera is always on part 3

the importance of new beginnings

Movie Monday: Where Love Found Me

4 ways to reconnect with your spouse

7 ways to inspire others

7 tips to help safeguard against an entitlement attitude in your kids

the video camera is always on part 3

Last week, I talked about the importance of showing children our faith. I discussed the fact that our kids are watching our faith. And not only are they watching our faith, they are mimicking it. Even at a young age.

In this segment, I’ll expound on two other key issues where our children are always recording: our priorities and what we allow into our minds.

1.Our priorities.

A godly woman’s priorities can easily get disordered, especially in a busy world with so many things vying for our attention. Combine that with the constant struggle to manage our time well and wishing we had more of it. Suddenly, our best-intentioned priorities become out-of-whack. Sometimes those priorities can be as simple as frittering precious time away on our computers or cell phones. Social media, email, mindless browsing on devices, too much TV, unable to say no to every demand, and not staying on track can disintegrate the structure of our priorities.

It’s been said that we will make time for that which is truly important to us. Do our kids see what is truly important to us? That growing closer to God, spending time with our spouse and building a strong marriage (more about marriage in Part 4), and mothering our children are important to us? Or do they see a barrage of other “important” items filling up our days?

Here are some suggestions to keep our priorities in check:

Be there when your kids need you. So many parents today are absent, not only physically, but mentally. Our children face a harsh culture within an even harsher world. They need us to be physically, emotionally, and mentally present for them.

Give them your full attention when they talk. We must combat what I call the “uh-huh response” – nodding and saying “uh-huh” at “appropriate” times when our child is talking to us. There are times when we, as moms, are in the middle of working or another project and aren’t able to drop everything. In our house, if I can’t give one of my kids my full attention, including eye contact and being 100% present, I ask my kids to give me a minute to finish what I’m doing. This helps me to switch gears and be able to fully focus on them, and it teaches them patience.

Give ample time for open discussions. As I mentioned in my post How to Build Close Bonds with Your Kids, sometimes the car is the best place for conversations. The best place, that is, if they aren’t competing with the radio, movies, or other distractions.

Make sure your kids see you spending time with their dad and making that a priority.

Do things together as a family and create family traditions.

Model caring for your home and the duties that come along with that. This will vary depending on which spouse/parent is responsible for which duties in the home or if one is a single parent.

If you homeschool, let your kids see that as a priority.

Spend time in God’s Word.

Take time to rest and refresh. It’s important that our kids see that we are not superhuman. We need down time. For us, after church on Sundays is our “veg” day. We don’t spend time on any cell phones or devices. Instead, we relax, read, play games, or go on a bike ride as a family.

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2. What we allow into our minds.

What do we allow to fill our mind? What do we allow our eyes to see and our ears to hear? Do we tell our kids that they shouldn’t listen to certain music artists, watch certain movies, or read certain books? But then we do it ourselves? Yes, while we are adults and can listen to/watch/read more mature items than our children can, it’s important to set a good example.

We are told in Philippians 4:8 what types of things to focus on and allow into our minds.

“But, Mom, you watch those type of shows. But, Dad, you play those violent video games. Why can’t I?”

Guarding our own eyes and ears is of utmost importance.

What goes in will come out in our attitude, personality, and the way we treat others. Let’s be careful what we take in – because our children will see what comes out.

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Before you go, check out these other posts:

the video camera is always on, part 1

the video camera is always on, part 2

58 fun activities for kids of all ages

8 things I want my daughters to know

for such a time as this: finding stability in an unstable world

15 scriptural reminders of God’s comfort

outside-the-box homeschool ideas

you might be a writer if…(10 ways to know)

Movie Monday: Beautifully Broken

the video camera is always on part 2

Last week, I began a new series detailing how our children are always watching and learning from us. In The Video Camera is Always On Part 1, I listed some areas where our kids are watching to see how we react to situations and circumstances. They watch how we live our lives, the choices we make, and whether or not our words align with our actions.

Today, I will be expounding on the fact that our kids are watching our faith. And not only are they watching our faith, they are mimicking it. Even at a young age.

One day several years ago, I noticed my youngest daughter Doodle was sitting on the floor with her little red New Testament Gideon Bible reading to her baby dolls, one in her lap, and the rest of the dolls lined up on the toy couch. While at her young age, Doodle couldn’t yet read, she had memorized Bible passages and reiterated them as she snuggled her “babies”.

Gratitude and humility coursed through me because, as every mom knows, we don’t do things perfectly. Or even well at times. Raising children is a challenging, but wonderful job, and we need God’s help every step of the way. And by the grace of God, I was teaching my daughter the importance of not only reading her Bible, but reading it to her “children”.

Our kids are watching our faith, or lack thereof. They are watching to see where we spend the majority of our time. Do we choose to spend any of it studying God’s Word? Or is He an afterthought? Do we disciple our kids and teach them about Jesus? Read to them from their Bibles? Is God the main focus in our home?

Life is busy, to be sure, and it’s not uncommon for us to run out of hours in the day with a leftover to-do list a mile long by the time we plop into beds far later than we anticipated. But these are valid questions we, as parents, must ask ourselves to be sure we are emulating Godly behavior to our children.

It is critical for us to let our children see our walk with the Lord. We must give our children Christlike habits to mimic. And no, we won’t do it perfectly and we will make mistakes, and there will be days when, much to our disappointment, we look more like the world than we do our Savior. But with His help, we can endeavor to show our kids the meaning of a life surrendered to – and lived for – Jesus.

Do they see that spending time with the Lord is very important to us? Do they witness our reliance on God when things are tough? Our gratitude when a prayer is answered? Do they accompany us to church? Is church a regular occurrence or an event we only attend on Easter and Christmas? Do they see us display an active prayer life? Do they see us worshiping and loving the One who gave His life for us?

From the time my girls were babies, we attended church. They knew that this was a major part of our lives. Many times, they didn’t want to go to the nursery or to children’s church, and I never insisted they go. Instead, we brought along our “Nanie bag”, a homemade bookbag made by my grandma (their great-grandma) Nanie, that carried designated items used only for church.

Crayons, a notebook, snacks, and a few special toys that encouraged their imaginations (quiet toys, such as baby dolls or stuffed animals to be respectful of others), toys they played with only at church. As long as they were not being disruptive, they stayed with me in the pews. I never demanded they refrain from uttering a peep. Church isn’t for the “perfectly quiet” people. It’s for sinners like me and God doesn’t demand we do it flawlessly. While the girls knew they could play with their toys, they understood that they needed to be respectful.

As our children get older, we need to teach them that Jesus is the only way (John 14:6), that salvation is through Jesus alone (Acts 4:12), and that His Word is the only truth meter we have. It is the only thing we can measure everything against. God and His Word are the only things that will never change.

If we don’t teach our children the Truth, the world will vie for their attention and endeavor to teach them otherwise. We must remain steadfast.

But all the words and all the reading and all the worshipping means nothing if we aren’t living what we preach. Actions are profound, and we can be sure those little eyes aren’t missing a thing.

When our children are teens, the foundation will have been set. Not to say that all hope is lost if we haven’t been able to give them a godly start. No matter what age and stage our children are in, it’s never too late to model our faith. And because teens can bring their own unique set of circumstances due to their ages and the pressures they face everyday in our secular culture, we can enlist the assistance of trusted godly mentors, along with plentiful prayer, to help our teens get on the right track. God wants us to rely on Him in every facet of our lives, even discipling an unbelieving teen.

No matter the age of our kids, we must make modeling our faith to our children and laying a foundation in Christ within our children’s hearts and lives a top priority. God’s grace is sufficient, even in our most inadequate moments, of which there will be many. And He is there to help us every step of the way and every moment that video camera is on.

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Before you go, check out these other posts:

the video camera is always on, part one

8 things I want my daughters to know

how to build close bonds with your kids

Movie Monday: Little Women

14 things for girls to consider before dating

you might be a homeschool mom if…(15 clues)